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Ratings Legend
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 3=Funny
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  Honest Bumper Stickers

-- All men are idiots, and I married their king.
-- Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
-- I brake for no apparent reason.
-- Time is what keeps everything from happening all at once.
-- Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
-- I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
-- Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
-- Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
-- I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
-- Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off NOW.
-- Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
-- Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
-- Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone somewhere may be happy.
-- Consciousness cuts into my napping.
-- Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
-- There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.
-- Keep honking. I'm reloading.


  The Wrong Way

A senior citizen was driving down the freeway when his wife called his cell phone.

"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"


  George Miller: Car Trouble

I always have car trouble. I had a 1979 Chrysler. Talk about underpowered -- I was driving, I pushed in the cigarette lighter, the car slowed down.


  Snow Parking

Harry and Martha drank their coffee as they listened to the morning weather report.

"There will be three to five inches of snow today. You must park your cars on the odd-numbered side of the street."

Harry got up from his coffee to move the car.

Two days later, they sat down with their cup of coffee and listened the weather forecast.

"There will be two to four inches of snow today. You must park your cars on the even-numbered side of the street."

Harry got up from his coffee to move the car.

Three days later, they tuned in to the weather report.

"There will be six to eight inches of snow today. You must park your cars on the...." The power went off.

He said to Martha, "What am I going to do now?"

Martha said, "Just leave the car in the garage."


  open doors

Q: What are 2 reasons why a man would open a car door for a woman?

A: New car or a new woman!


  Traffic Lights

Q: Why does a traffic light turn red?

A: If you had to change in front of everyone, you'd turn red, too.


  Tom Papa: Stuck in Traffic

You ever been on the highway, and your side's just cruising, no problem? The other side is backed up miles and miles in traffic. It's a good feeling, isn't it? I don't even enjoy the guy stuck in the middle as much as the guy who's 10 miles back who doesn't see it coming.


  Mitch Hedberg: Emergency Brake

A lot of times, I'll drive for like 10 miles with the emergency brake. That doesn't say a lot for me, but it really doesn't say a lot for the emergency brake.


  Jonathan Katz: Life Is Brief

Anybody who tells you that life is brief hasn't been to the registry of motor vehicles recently.


  George Miller: Car Reflects Personality

I read this article that said your car reflects your personality. I don't have a car.



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Random Joke:

Divorced Barbie

Q: What comes with the new Divorced Barbie doll?

A: All Ken's stuff.




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