Are you really that bald or is your neck just blowing a bubble?
You're so small you could milk a cow standing up.
You are so small that when it rains, you are the last to know.
You're so stupid you had to call 411 to get the number for 911.
Q : knock knock who's there peter ?
A: peter your stuff is hanging out
If my dog's face looked like your face, I'd shave his ass and make him walk backwards.
You are so fat, you rented a 250-foot long limo, sat in the back and squished the poor driver.
I haven't seen you run that fast since Twinkies went on sale.
You're like school in the summertime -- no class.
-- Not the brightest crayon in the box
-- Not the sharpest knife in the drawer
-- Not the funniest clown in the circus
-- Not the fastest horse in the race
-- Not the sharpest tool in the shed
-- Not the brightest star in the sky
-- Not the most likely Vice Presidential candidate
Q: What do you call 32 Rednecks in one room?
A: A full set of teeth.