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  Cab Driver Goes to Heaven

A cab driver reaches the pearly gates. St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book and tells him to pick up a gold staff and a silk robe and proceed into Heaven.

Next in line is a preacher. St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book, furrows his brow and says, "OK, we'll let you in, but take that cloth robe and wooden staff."

The preacher is shocked and replies, "But I am a man of the cloth. You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe. Surely I rate higher than a cabbie!"

St. Peter responds matter-of-factly, "This is Heaven and up here, we are interested in results. When you preached, people slept. When the cabbie drove his taxi, people prayed."


  Sinful Conception

Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?

A: Fuck her.


  Black White Black

Q: What goes black, white, black, white, black, white, black, white?

A: A nun falling down stairs.


  Jesus and Moses

Jesus and Moses are walking along the beach when Moses says, "You know what? I'm going to try and part the ocean again." He throws his hands in the air and, magically, the ocean parts.

Jesus sees this and says, "I'm going to try to walk on water again." He walks up to the water, takes a step on top and sinks.

Moses says, "Try it again, Jesus. It's been a while." Jesus tries again, and once more, he sinks.

Jesus comes out of the water and says, "I know what the problem is. When I walked on water before, I didn't have holes in my feet."


  Liar Sermon

A preacher concludes his service by saying, "Next Sunday I am going to preach on the subject of liars. And in preparation for my discourse, I would like you all to read the 17th chapter of Mark."

The following Sunday, the preacher says, "Now, all of you who have done as I requested and read the 17th chapter of Mark, please raise your hands."

Nearly every hand in the congregation goes up.

The preacher continues, "You are the people I want to talk to. There is no 17th chapter of Mark."


  St. Paul vs. Minneapolis

Q: Why did everyone in Minneapolis quit going to church and lose their faith?

A: There are a dozen or so pages in the Bible about St. Paul, but nothing about Minneapolis.


  Buddhist Dog

Q: What did the buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?

A: Make me one with everything.


  A woman went to her priest with a problem...

A woman went to her priest with a problem. "Father, I have two female parrots, and they only know how to say one thing. All they ever say is, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?' "

"That's terrible!" exclaimed the priest. "But I think I can help. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and I will put them with my two male parrots whom I taught to pray and read the Bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship."

The next day, the woman brought her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots were holding rosary beads and quietly praying in their cage. The woman put her two female parrots in the cage with the male parrots. The females said, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?"

One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed "Put those beads away, our prayers have been answered!"


  Jack Coen: Belief in God

Don't get me wrong, I believe in God. I just don't trust anybody who works for him.


  Adam Ferrara: Basic Catholic Religion

I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is 'If it feels good -- stop.'



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