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Grandma & Grandpa are sitting on the porch, when all of a sudden Grandma slaps Grandpa.
"That's for 50 years of the worst sex I've ever had."
They're both silent for ten minutes. Then Grandpa slaps Grandma.
"That's for knowin' the difference."
Virgin on a Waterbed
Q: What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
A: A cherry float.
Q: What's the difference between a tire and 365 used rubbers?
A: One's a Goodyear; the other's a great year.
Nuts and Bolts
Q: What did the nut say to the bolt?
A: Screw me.
A young deaf-mute couple gets married. At first, they have sex with the lights on, in order to sign to each other.
One day, the woman asks, "Can we try to make love with the lights off?"
The man says, "OK, but how will you know when I want to make love?"
The woman says, "Well, when you're in the mood, just shake my left breast once, and I'll know. If you don't want to, shake my right breast once."
The man says, "All right. And if you want to make love to me, shake my penis once, if you do not want to make love to me, shake my penis about 50 times."
The Dirty Wife
A wife decides that she needs to spice up her and her husband's sex life. So, she goes to the adult novelty store and came back with some crotchless panties.
She goes home, puts them on and waits for her husband to come home. When he does, she lifts up her dress and shows him her new panties, asking, "You want some of this?"
"Hell no," says the husband, "look what it did to your underwear!"
To Old Men
Two old men were sitting around...
One man says, "Man I love a good morning pee."
The other man replies, "Me too, but Im always peeing on my toes in the shower."
The first old man says, "take a viagra scrap a lil off of it, and put in some water to drink it."
The Second old man said "Why do I have to do that?"
The other one says, "So you'll get a lift when you go pee."
The Nuns and The Blind Man
Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits. After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude. In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door.
"Who is it?" calls one of the nuns.
"Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door. The two nuns look at each other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door.
"Nice gazongas," says the man, "where do you want these blinds?"
Why is 88 better than 69? Because you get 8 (ate) twice
The Blind Man and the Whore
A blind man goes into a whorehouse and asks for a girl. The madam figures, since he's blind, she'll just give him an inflatable, lifesize doll -- he won't know the difference. So the man goes in the room with the inflatable girl and comes outfive minutes later. The madam asks him what happened and he says, “I slapped her ass, she farted and blew out the window.”