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-- My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
-- Definition of an upgrade: old bugs out, new ones in.
-- C:\> Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
-- Why doesn't it ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename"?
-- As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
-- Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
-- E Pluribus Modem
-- >File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
-- Ethernet (n): something used to catch the Etherbunny.
-- A mainframe: the biggest PC peripheral available.
-- A computer's attention span is as long as it's power cord.
-- Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
-- Windows: just another pane in the glass.
-- Ultimate office automation: networked coffee.
-- All computers wait at the same speed.
-- Go ahead, make my data.
-- Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
-- Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
-- ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI.
-- Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
Most people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
High Tech Man
A man walks into a bar and sits down right across from the bartender. The bartender sees the man poking at his hand and putting it next to his ear, and asks him, "What are you doing?
The man replies, "Oh, it's the newest technology -- I have a phone built right into my hand." The man puts his hand next to the bartender's ear and, sure enough, the bartender hears a dial tone.
After a few drinks, the man goes into the bathroom. The bartender notices that he has been gone for almost a half-hour. Concerned, he goes into the bathroom to check it out. When he walks in, he sees the man with his hands on the wall standing with his legs apart and pants down. He has the end of a roll of paper towels shoved up his butt. Shocked, the bartender yells, "What are you doing?!"
The man groans and replies, "I'm waiting for a fax."
Q: What did one computer say to the other?
Baby Digital Watch
Q: What did the baby digital watch say to the mommy analog watch?
A: "Look Ma, no hands!"
Programmers and Light Bulb
Q: How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, that''s a hardware problem.
French Maid Techie
A French maid was tidying up for a wealthy computer whiz. She commented that he had a nice PC. He looked frustrated and said, "Yeah, it's top of the line, but I can't seem to get any programs to start up. You wouldn't happen to know how these gizmos work, do you?"
She replied, "I'm sorry monsieur, I would love to help you, but oh la la, I don't do Windows!"
Computer + Prostitute
Q: What do you get when you cross a computer with a prostitute?
A: A f**king know-it-all.
Sex vs. Computers
Q: What is the difference between sex and computers?
A: With computers, the software goes into the hardware. With sex, the hardware goes into the software.